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The True Meaning

Updated: Apr 7, 2021

The True Meaning

Throughout my life, I have always heard the saying "Actions speak louder than words." I don't know if you want to call this a quote or a philosophy, or which you may believe it to be, but have you actually really said it and thought about it? Have you thought about the true meaning of it?

I know once I heard it and was somewhat old enough to know when to "use it," it was usually in situations following fights my friends were having with someone. Ya know, those kinds of fights where you're standing with one of the people actually having the fight, saying "yeah prove it!"

Then getting older it came to be the motto for my problematic relationships. It was usually emphasizing the lack of meaning in whatever apology I got. If I didn't feel like there was any actual truth in said apology, my comeback would be that old saying, "Well actions speak louder than words!" Since I didn't believe their apology, I needed them to prove it!

Now let's circle back for a moment. What were those questions in the beginning that I asked? I am really going to hope right now that there aren't many who have done anything else I mentioned above, leaving you feeling clueless in this awakening moment. I mean, it's taken this long for me to really know the meaning behind this saying and to see the many errors I made in my lifetime. (Shaking my head)

Jumping back to that problematic relationship time now. I never believed most of the meaningless sorry that I would get. Not believing that "Sorry" made me want proof they were actually sorry. Ya know, so I could really "Know" they were sorry for their "actions." Looking back, I think it's pretty safe to say that I never found any of those actions! I am going to swallow my pride right now when I shamefully admit, it wasn't the actions to prove they were sorry that I was wanting. I think it was just the want of any action that was showing any attention or affection towards me. Damn, I think that is a whole sad blog for some other time. (Again, shaking my head.)

Here I am today admitting how I never saw the meaning behind that saying either. That was until now. I definitely had not sat down thinking about the meaning of my favorite saying before I ever saw the true meaning behind it. I think that's what makes it that awakening moment for me.

I'm gonna just throw this out there and hopefully, this will make sense to someone, but have you ever looked at a cute little puppy and just get this overwhelming feeling of awe and want to just squeeze all that cuteness? Or get a "squishy" all over feeling, that makes you want to say "awe, shucks" while you blush over something somebody said to you? That feeling and realization of "awe, they are so sweet." Those are just a few of the kinda feelings I was having during my awakening moment.

I know we have all said sorry enough in our lifetime. And we can all admit that there were definitely times that we didn't exactly mean it. Again that's probably another blog topic for another day. The important point I want to address here is seeing the true meaning behind "Actions speak louder than words." I feel like I say this more often than not in my blogs, but I don't know if maybe this is a getting older situation or the fact that I am actually in a relationship that has more love, and maturity than any relationship in my past. So did my awakening come from getting older? Or was it the man I am with who gave me all the evidence, seeing the true meaning here? Or does my age, my growth in my life, just allow me to look at things differently?

If anyone reading this now has read any of my previous blogs, you will know I have not had some picture-perfect relationship and that there were some situations that weighed heavy on my heart and mind. Obviously, I am more of a writer of my thoughts and emotions, so talking to my love is never anything that I have an easy time doing. Please note, it's not just with him that I have this problem, I definitely have a hard time talking to basically anyone about my thoughts and feelings. (Yeah that's for sure a blog for another day.)

I am a work in progress and try working on all these things I am afraid to do on a regular basis. While I am a writer instead of a talker, I haven't exactly figured out what the main process my love has either, because he also is not a talker. Not being able to talk to one another can NEVER and will NEVER fix anything. When certain things finally reach a certain level within, I will start spilling out my feelings where I can. Whether it's through posts or quotes I find online or by my cowardly texts, I finally tell my love the things that are bothering me. At that point, that's when my love has nothing to say in the form of an apology.

Until my awakening moment, it used to bother me when I never got any response or even any acknowledgment of anything I was trying to address. Little did I know, my love was really listening to me and acknowledging what I was trying to say and how I felt. And now my awakening..

So one night my love and I weren't so lovey-dovey. I can't even tell you what the problem at the time was now because his actions made me completely forget because of the "awe shucks" moment I had because of him. All I can say for sure is, I had always been making small comments about wanting to drive the mustang when it was his. The car that only I used was not running right, if at all, so I was stuck unable to go and do things I needed to do. And I couldn't understand why I was not allowed to drive "his" mustang when it was just sitting out there and he wasn't using it at that particular time, nor would he take me anywhere. As you can probably imagine, I wasn't handling that in the best way. During this time there were other little things throwing rocks at my relationship, so it wasn't just being unable to use the mustang that I was finally spilling out my feelings about. Whatever the problem during this particular moment was, isn't important now. Just the facts that one night there I sat, upset and aggravated with how things were getting for us, feeling like he just was clueless to how I felt.

My love came out of the blue one night and told me to take the mustang to go take care of something I had to do in Middletown. Still, at that moment I was oblivious. I was too excited to be getting to go drive the car I had been dying to drive anyways. Once I got to Middletown and others also had the most shocking looks on their faces seeing me in the Mustang, was it then I realized what really happened. It was then that I realized that true meaning.

Remember my love is not one to talk about his thoughts or feelings. He also isn't one to say that he's sorry, even if it's just me wanting to hear sorry for him hurting my feelings. That's just it though, it's just that he's not one to SAY he's sorry. It was then that I saw how "Actions speak louder than words." My love let me take his car, that nobody else ever would drive when I was without. I expressed how I felt like nothing I needed to do mattered to him, and he showed me how that's not the case at all.

To me, my love's actions were better than what the words sorry could ever do when spoken to me. That's when I saw the true meaning behind that quote! Actions most definitely speak way louder than words, and I can never look at the quote the same as I had growing up. And it is such an amazing, squishy feeling to get any actions instead of that word anytime, especially when it's from my love!

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