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The Step Life - Part 1

The Step Life - Part 1

Step Children and Step-Parents, oh how this one shall go. I don't even know if I really even wanna go there myself.

Before I even attempt this I just want to note, no matter what I wanna try to convince myself, there is never a time or way to ignore any problems, negative situations nor act as nothing happened.

How many of you have been the child that has to adapt to living with a step-parent? For any that have, the most important question to now ask is, how did you treat this new authority figure? Is there anything you wish you could have or have not done? What advice could you pass on?

My parents split when I was 9. It wasn't long after my dad left that I caught my mom in the car with some new guy at the auction. I tried to act like it wasn't some big deal and that it was just an auction friend. But before I knew it I was riding in the back of his black t-bird listening to Paul Simon every day. I quickly came to see that my mom's new boyfriend wasn't bad at all. He never upset me or got on me about anything. Heck, he even came to me and gave me his own mother's wedding band while asking my permission to marry my mom. Of course, I said yes without thinking twice. In all the years growing up, this guy went from some guy to more than a stepdad. He was so much more, he had truly become my dad.

Before a baby is born, if you are having a boy you usually hear they will be a Mommas Boy. For those having a girl, you hear how they are going to have Daddy wrapped around their finger. Seems going with those sayings, in my opinion, girls are closer to their dads and boys are closer to their moms. I may not have had the man I called dad wrapped around my finger, but I definitely was always closer to my dad than I was my mom. He did things for me and with me that my own adoptive father never had nor would. At 17 I left home, not speaking to my mom, but best believe I called my dad every day.

Years later while I was pregnant with my firstborn, I saw my dad flat line during a heart attack. I could hardly function, unable to breathe, just gasping to do so, as the fear and tears consumed me. I knew then my daughter was going to be named Madisyn because my dad had always wanted a little girl of his own named Madisyn Rochelle. So my daughter had to be Madisyn for him. I also knew her middle name had to be Hope because lord did we need so much Hope in our lives. She wasn't even born and already she was all the Hope I needed to survive everything being thrown at me.

At the fresh age of 19, I was not only a new mom of a baby girl, but I was the “girlfriend” to the father of a 4year boy. Then later changed my title legally to “stepmom.” I carried that title for 8 years and those were probably the hardest years of my life. I can easily say the stepmom role is much harder than a new mom, single mom, young mom, or any other mom there could be! I swear my hats off to all those stepmoms and stepdads out there who are rocking their role and receiving smiles and love from their children, and not the emotional mess that feels like they are never going to win any love and respect from the kids they will do anything for. I really do feel being a mom to children we did not labor is 20x harder than being a mom to those we did give birth to. But I will tell you, the amount of love you have between one or the other, is not different though.

Before I forget, in case some may be wondering, thankfully my dad made it through that nightmare. I can sit here and say I was blessed to have the best Dad in my life and never had any father figure horror stories. While adjusting to having a stepparent was easy for me, others may struggle with accepting someone new in their life. I was fortunate. The love I was given from someone who chose to love me as his own, is the kind of love I want to give to the ones I only wished I could have given birth to myself. Now it's becoming the step-parent and wanting the love I came to have for my dad as the kind of love that I truly wish for myself.

Is it possible? Guess we will see on Part 2 of The Step Life…...

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