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September 29, 2020

So here I am just chillin' in our room - AWAY from freaking Middletown too!! It's been weird being away from everyone; I guess it's harder if anything to be away from the work. That's what actually sucks. Thankfully I have a few people that will come out to see me and I get to go to Middletown when I can still.

It's definitely nice to be away from all the bullshit of Middletown though. After Paul taking me up top and literally everything I had, it broke me once and for all. There was literally nothing left for me out there.

To prove all the more reason why it was the best thing to happen was getting a job that is only 9 mins away from the hotel, much better than it was from Middletown. And they even are willing to work with me around Eddie's schedule.

I can finally say, I am so grateful right now. The stress of having to pay for stuff needed and for a place was a lot for me to contain. Knowing I'm still able to do what I can to work and that I am going to have a paycheck makes me so relieved.

I'm nervous about working again though. I really want to like this job too. I know one thing for sure, I don't want to work separate shifts from Eddie. Regardless of his shifts I know I don't want to go back to nights like it used to be when I had been with Dale and the kids. I don't want to be drained and not have time with Eddie and his daughter. I don't want my time off work to consist of sleeping. I hated when my life had been nothing but work, sleep, clean, work, sleep, clean, blah, blah, blah. I missed out on so much with my family and life and those things I can never get back. I'll be damned if I repeat that life.

Most of all I don't want anything to mess up my relationship with Eddie. I have finally found someone that makes me happier than I ever have been and literally takes my breath away thinking about him. I have a life that I have been fighting to have for so long. I think my biggest fear nowadays is losing him. I can't imagine a life anything like it was.

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