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Operation Shut Down 2020


** AUTHORS NOTE: PLEASE NOTE THIS WAS WRITTEN LAST YEAR IN 2020. NOT ANYTHING OF CURRENT. JUST HELPS IN UNDERSTANDING OF WHERE I WAS AND WHERE I AM**


“Operation Shut Down 2020”


Lord have mercy, I think I am on the verge of cracking under pressure or having a full mental breakdown. At first, I thought I was just exhausted and gone too long without actual sleep. But now maybe it's a tower of problems that lean me towards crazy town, or whatever it is. I'm past the lack of sleep as the problem though. Let's go over these building bombs real quick.


  1. Mass people calling and no way to get to them! I have 4 people at one point who were in a panic who in some way needed me. And I only managed to talk things through with 2 of them, and not the ones I really needed to be there for. What made me upset most of all in regards to these problems here, was the fact I asked for a ride or for this person to come with me, who said yeah, but then spun me. Then, of course, hasn't answered all night or been around. Definitely hurt me.


  1. Not having a place to go is wearing me down more and more. I just want a place to lay down on a bed - not in some chair or on the floor. I need to lay down and get some real sleep. It'd also be nice to have a place to get to escape from life and drama. To have a spot to put my stuff instead of it all in the back of my car. I've already lost so much from either car being stolen or from being impounded. I'm sick of starting over.


I feel like I am alone out here. I have nobody to protect me, nobody to make sure I am able to survive daily in life, nobody to have a purpose for, no one to help me make sense of life. I am scared of not having a home ever again. It's so bad I have literally slept in my car for nights now. With that being said, yeah I'm running on lack of sleep for sure and something has to give and allow me to get some rest!! And something else needs to give because life has been fucking me WAY too much and I deserve a break.




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