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Not that Stupid

Just because I don’t say anything, doesn’t mean I don’t know. Just because I haven’t caught someone red handed, doesn’t mean I don’t know. You may think you are getting one over on me, but I’m not that stupid. 

I definitely am one to overthink everything. Especially when I have that gut feeling that something is not what it’s said to be. Which I’d say 7 out of 10 times my gut is always right. I don’t just overthink to assume either. I will sit and watch your actions and behaviors. I watch and note every clue I come across, as well as every “story” that you tell me. I sit quietly for a while, maybe even playing along with the “stories” that you think I’m falling for. 

Eventually, everything in the dark will come to light. The longer it takes to come to light or better yet, brought to my attention, the more anger that seems to build within. Just like that light, I eventually will lose my shit onto you. It becomes like vomit from the mouth - every detail, fact, lie, proof and reason why I hate liars is spit from my mouth at like 90 mphs. 

I hate being lied to. I hate being “played.” If my head could spin like medusa it without a doubt would. I don’t forget easily. And when I know you lie to me, that trust is broken and now I second guess everything you say and do. I forever know you're up to no good.  

I think it is so comical though to look at the whole picture and to be the only one who sees the whole picture apparently. How can you think that I don’t see how you no longer do certain things with me? How can you think I’m not going to figure out what you're doing instead? How can you think I’m going to believe all these “forgotten” moments are just that? Or that all these projects that take so much of your time are just that? How can you think that I won’t see another clue to what you're really doing when you refuse to let me use something or refuse to leave things for me when you're not around?  

Many many years ago I was in a horrible relationship. He seriously ruined my life and cost me basically everything in my life. One of the things that made me crazy was when I would always find something of mine in an odd place or being opened, knowing that I didn’t do it. But he never would admit it when I would ask how or why I was finding these things. Eventually the truth came out and it all became clear. So now having others give off the same traits it’s like PTSD for me, because thinking I don’t notice or acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about makes me feel exactly like he used to make me feel. I never wanted nor want anyone in my life that is anything like those in my horrible past. 

I hate being lied to. I hate being played. I hate selfish people because each of these things I hate make me feel disrespected and sick. It all makes

me question everything in my life and as well as my future. Because if someone can’t just be honest and real about one thing, then they won’t be honest and real about everything else either. 

We are adults having adult friendships and relationships. So why can’t everyone carry through them like grown adults with honesty and respect? 

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