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Grinds my Gears

Grinds my Gears 

Ya know what really grinds my gears? When the last person that should ever lie to you, flat out bold face lies straight to my face! 

The definition of gaslight says, “manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.” 

It’s one thing to lie to my face but then to basically gaslight me just takes it to a new level. I know I am not perfect and I do make mistakes. There are times I may misunderstand something, but in certain conversations I know what I heard is exactly what I heard! 

When someone starts a conversation that instantly has me wanting to ask a million questions due to the red flag that was thrown after your first sentence, I can promise I’ve got my listening ears on and memorizing the whole conversation. So for you to go back at a later time and tell me you never said that and that I’m crazy, is a slap in my face. Go gaslight someone else because I’m done having someone try to make me question my own worth and sanity!

Another thing that just gets me, is when someone purposely doesn’t tell me stuff and or even lies about the stuff on top of it! I understand some people don’t need to know everything, but in some cases there are some you should never keep anything from. For example family, spouses, best friends, ya know those types of people. Plus you shouldn’t feel that there is ever anything to be kept from your spouse. A spouse should never say, “I don’t have to tell you everything.” A spouse should never not want to tell you everything. 

I mean what are you even supposed to do in situations like that? Naturally that brings a lack of trust and wonder because when you sit and realize your partner doesn’t let you fully into their life, you really wonder what’s really going on in their life? If they believe they don’t have to tell you anything about the important topics then what else are they not telling you? It’s like they have a separate life from you. All I can imagine is one of the Lifetime movies of a husband living 2 different lives, having 2 separate families that know nothing about the other. Lord knows this life could be a tv show or movie but I’m not getting any checks showing it is. 

So where do you go from here? I know you can’t drag a dead horse to water and expect it to drink. Obviously if it’s been years and a constant conversation that only gives sorrow, then there are only 2 options. You either suck it up and live with everything as it is or you don’t. If it’s been years and you're still dealing with it I guess it's been sucked up,  and dealt with..for now. 

Maybe instead of trying to change the problem at hand and getting nowhere after all this time, then it’s time to focus on something else and just be a better human. Just live life one day to the next. Enjoy the special moments, enjoy watching little ones grow, enjoy the adventures and traveling. In the end marriage is nothing but a piece of paper and a name and hell I like having the only thing left of my dad. Plus tomorrow is never promised, especially with a heart like mine. 

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