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Critics

Critics. Let’s talk about them for a minute. Are they good to have? Or do they push a writer's full potential out a window? And just who are these critics? Well, they are not only complete strangers, not just friends, nor just family. They are also your oh-so-loving spouse.

Thinking about each type of critic mentioned, ask yourself those first two questions again. Do you still want to write? I have to smile to myself as I say that because I sure as hell wouldn't want to continue if I knew all of my work had to pass through my oh-so-loving spouse. To this day, I have limited where I post my work, where I advertise my web pages, as well as when I even work.

It is hard for me to feel comfortable enough for anyone to ever read any of my work. Hell, I won awards in school for my writing. Self-esteem is a BITCH! I have fought this bitch my whole life and just when I think I just about have a hold on her and feel good about myself, she comes in, kicks my legs out from under me, and does a reset of my self-management system. I lose all the hard work done of building courage, to become outgoing, and the determination of doing something that is not only beneficial to myself but could even be beneficial to others out there who might have just a hint into how I have felt.

Hell, I won awards in school for my writing! When I had written a couple of poems, as well as my "Dear Lovey" letter while in the halfway house, I don't think there was anyone left in the place who hadn't read my work. While there, I had the leaders from the writing group tell me I should write my story. They also entered 4 different pieces I had written into the writing exhibit for the Cincinnati Library. My writing, in Downtown Cincinnati, on display for anyone and everyone to see for 4 months! I had a counselor at CEO Cincinnati, tell me it would be amazing for me to write my story. In my short time at Marysville, I was also told I should write more about the things I have gone through and experienced. These are the type of critics I needed in my life!

Because of all those amazing people, I realized that really was the peak of interest and desire in wanting to write my story. I was so pumped and so excited by the thought of my own book, I even made a list of topics I wanted to write about. Here I was putting all my thoughts and some of the raw emotions I have had bottled up, finally down on paper, and people were actually enjoying themselves. My work was getting the attention that was uplifting and boosted my questionable self-esteem.

As much as I have been given gracious amounts of support and encouraging words I know that there are never going to be only positive, uplifting critics. That's just my wishful thinking. There will always be someone out there who is going to judge my writing, judge my life even. Some may not always agree with my point of view on particular subjects. I really hope that the negative would not go much worse than that though! I'll have to attach the memos for some to not forget I am the emotional one. So please limit bashing to a low. While I really do mean that, all jokes aside, I also know that I will never reach my full potential and won't push myself to come out of my shell and put myself out there with my story if I don't have some form of unfavorable responses. I cannot fix things or know what I need to do in order to succeed in my dream of putting my story out for all to see.

I am obviously taking my baby steps on getting myself out there with my writing. I can't get out there and make my story count if I don't make some moves for myself. My baby steps have allowed me to brand my blogger name, I have made a web page and I have created a social media outlet to promote my page.

Yet why am I so worried about that one person who will be the closest critic? Why am I allowing this fear to limit my progress in my most desired dream in life? Just how shall I get past this insecurity and survive my critics?


*** Side note: I have just sat down to edit this tonight. And prior to sitting down for our Chinese dinner. I have to let you all know this because of one important reason, my fortune cookie. It reads, "Life is about making some things happen, not waiting for something to happen." Didn't I mention something similar about myself in this same blog? It's a sign! lol


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